My daughter Ziva was about eight months old at the time. She was in her carrier in the shopping cart at a local store. Upon leaving, my daughter started crying. As the minutes passed, her crying started to get louder, to a near scream. I had learned in the past to just allow the child to “let it all out.” They get tired and eventually stop.
I was about to hand my receipt to the door attendant when a passer-by approached me and disgustedly asked, “Aren’t you going to do something about her crying?” I glared at her and said, “No. Mind your own business.” Others around us laughed at my response. The lady gave me a look that could kill and walked away with a grunt.
Please don’t misunderstand me, here. Part of me fully agreed with that woman. Her frustration was justifiable in one important sense beyond the “let the kids tire themselves out” strategy. Like most parents, I have concerns about how I raise my children, especially in this strange, ever-changing era. I sometimes feel fear in public places. If I discipline my children in public, will an over-sensitive person call the authorities on me? How to punish children for bad behavior is an unresolved issue in modern culture. Still, I trust my parenting beliefs, knowing I apply them for the sake of my children’s future. Parents today are hooked on the horns of this dilemma.
Today’s generation is night and day from mine. Not that my single mother was really all about manners, but if I did something I wasn’t supposed to, then I would receive some sort of physical punishment. However, due to changing times and a new generation, people now seem more sensitive to how people should and should not parent. As Professor Terry Mizrahi notes, “Social workers recognize that good parenting involves nonviolent, age appropriate means of disciplining children.”
Nevertheless, seeing screaming children in public seems the norm these days, with parents letting them do and have whatever they want. If a child doesn’t learn to properly behave in a public setting, what are the expectations of our children when they grow older? Discipline now seems almost obsolete. No doubt, there’s a difference between spanking and abuse, but the spanking needs to happen when the actual incident happens. A swat on the butt will let a child know that he/she did something wrong, making similar future incidents less likely.
Raising children should reflect what most parents believe is right. Even when parents make mistakes, they usually learn from them, just as children learn when they make mistakes. Using different methods of punishment, such “time-out” or restriction, may not always have their benefits. If a child runs into the street with oncoming traffic and the parent snatches the child to safety, spanking the child may have a greater result because the child will most likely not do it again because of the consequences of being spanked again. If in the same incident the parent calmly tells the child, “Now, now, that was a bad thing to run in the street,” the child might not take the words seriously and may run into the street again. As Gina Green notes, “Punishment in the form of unpleasant consequences might stop misbehavior.”
The current generation is considered the future of the world. Because of this, young people should experience comfort and kindness. This is where parenting comes into play. Teaching children right from wrong is the basis of their bright future. Many think that bad behavior should never be reduced to spanking or any other form of physical punishment. Mizrahi argues that “parents should be positive role models and teach their children the negative consequences of adverse behavior by using incentives, time-outs and establishing firm, rational limits.” Yet others argue that this approach has its limits. In a related article, Dr. James Morris notes, “The relative benefit and, or, harm of such punishment is open to question, and certainly involves consideration of the unique culture of each family as well as the community in which they are a part.”
Having children is not a privilege. It’s a responsibility that every parent needs to take seriously. Granted, all too many parents use their own childhoods as an excuse to raise their children the way they were raised. This isn’t always a good thing. As Chi-Ming Lee points out, “Children are not the property or copies of their parents, because every one is unique with his or her dignity, autonomy, critical thinking and potential for full development.” While Lee is correct in principle, people should still raise their children with morals, respect, and manners. Why? Because without structure in our lives, this god-forsaken world would be more chaotic than it already is.
Then there is abuse. Abuse is an unnecessary form of punishment that may lead a child into a regressive state of mind and result in a punishable adulthood. Letting a child know the difference between abuse and spanking is essential, regardless of whether or not legal issues are involved. The law is something that regulates people’s actions. It can enforce a penalty if a specific law is broken. Parents have the limited right to spank their children, but abuse equals injury, unreasonable force, or punishment for reasons other than to correct inappropriate behavior. In this regard, people need to understand that spanking can be a form of abuse instead of a tool to help a child understand life better.
Children need structure in order to actualize a fulfilling future. A simple spanking when children misbehave may have a great impact on how they perceive future problems. They’ll remember when their parents spanked them when they ran into the street to save them from causing a fatal accident or realizing that screaming in public will not get them what they always want. Often, what a parent believes is best for the child is just that.
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A returning college student, Brigitte Wolfe is currently working to achieve a degree in elementary education. Brigitte has two children and enjoys gardening, professional football, and sushi.
