A few years ago, it was my privilege to attend a four-day writing retreat led by author Pam Houston at the Medano-Zapata Ranch that borders the Great Sand Dunes National Park in southwest Colorado.
Pam, currently an English professor at the University of California-Davis, gained recognition with her first book Cowboys Are my Weakness, and she has continued to turn out outstanding works since, including the prize-winning Contents May Have Shifted. Her latest book, Deep Creek – Finding Hope in the High Country, gets its inspiration from her home base—a Colorado ranch near the headwaters of the Rio Grande.
Published authors who lead writing workshops tend to be creative in their assignments to the bright-eyed smiling hopefuls who have shelled out $500 to be there. Such was true of Pam at the writing retreat I attended. Her casual western shirt and jeans, and easy-going manner did not hide the goal she came with. She knew to improve writing, you write. She was a serious taskmaster, and we’d been working on one assignment after another since we arrived on Thursday evening. Now it was late Saturday afternoon, and she had yet another challenge for us.
She began, “Write these directions down if you need to. You must write a story in 26 sentences. Each sentence must begin with a different letter of the alphabet, going in order from A-Z. You may add a concluding sentence or short paragraph if you wish. 100-word limit on that. Choose your own topic. Any questions? . . . See you later.”
This is what I wrote:
Road Rage
Asshole, she muttered.
Bitch, he mouthed back.
Crap, he read my lips.
Dammit, I don’t care–he cut me off first.
Egomaniac! Who’s passin’ who now?
Freakin’ idiot—he almost rear-ended me.
Get off my tail, you jerk!
Hell, now he’s pissed me off.
I know what this Focus can do.
Just because you drive a Corvette, you think you’re bad?
Keep passin’ me—see what happens.
Low gear—so you pass me and put it in low gear?
Mr. Funny-Guy.
Nyuk, nyuk,nyuk—goin’ around you, Buddy.
Open it up—here we go.
Passin’ you like you are standing still, Mr. Funny Corvette Man.
Queen of the Road!!
Rev, Focus-Baby, Rev!
Show me what you can do.
That’s my Baby—toppin’ 100.
Under the bridge.
Va-va-va Voom!
What’s that up ahead?!
X-tra Special Krispy Kreme Donut Truck??
You’re in the middle of the road, Jackass!
Zig! Zag! Zig! Zag!—Screech, Screech—WHAM!
Twisting steel, exploding tires, sparkling wires, squirting oil, splashing gas, the staccato beep of the stuck horn, and the donuts, flying, sailing through the air in all directions—cinnamon crunch, apple delight, triple sugar glaze, double frosted chocolate, coconut crème with cocoa sprinkles—and now they come down, plopping gently, landing on the Focus fender, mixing with the windshield slivers, raspberry jelly sliding down the dashboard, as the crooked shattered mirror reflects the top of the airbag revealing
one
intact
maple-frosted
Long
John.
***
Lucy Bell’s 35-year teaching career included over twenty years as a writing consultant. Her latest book, Coming Up, A Boy’s Adventures in 1940s Colorado Springs, combines narrative non-fiction with the history of the black community of Colorado Springs. It features rare historical photographs and the watercolor illustrations of Linda Martin. Release date: October 14, 2018. Her children’s novel, Molly and the Cat Who Stole Her Tongue, published in 2016, is available at Poor Richard’s Bookstore, Colorado Springs and Amazon.
