Men have sex. Women have sex. Men and women both have sex. Why, then, do so many people condemn women for having and enjoying sex? In recent years, slut shaming has reared its ugly head. A slut shamer makes another person feel inferior due to her choice of sexual acts. Though slut shaming affects both men and women, it impacts women far more often. Slut shamers have taken double standards to a new level. A man has sex with several women and his friends praise him. A woman has sex with two men, and people call her a whore.
Men aren’t the only culprits responsible for slut shaming. Granted, many middle-aged men slut shame women for their sexual encounters. Ironically, though, the biggest slut shamers are other women who forget they’re in the same boat. Many women get jealous and see others as their competition. They overlook the fact that they’re both struggling with the same obstacles.
One type of woman will sleep with a man even though she knows he’s very sexually active. But if she calls a woman she doesn’t like who sleeps around a slut. Jealous women slut shame without thinking. Likewise, the same women feel pain from these accusations yet abuse their female colleagues without even blinking. Women need to stick together. Who will support us when we’re upset about men calling us sluts if we’re doing the same thing to each other?
People throw around the words “slut” and “whore” too easily. These words are insults. They’re not words to use towards friends for entertainment value. Jealousy serves no useful purpose when another girl attracts more men than you. Slut shaming has gotten so out of hand because people forget how harsh these words really are. Girls as young as twelve call each other these names on a daily basis. They think doing so makes them seem more worldly and mature. In reality, they prove to the world how uneducated and foolish they really are. Smart women treat each other with respect.
Meanwhile, certain men hear women call each other these names and assume this type of language isn’t much of an insult anymore. If women don’t respect each other as sexual beings, how can they expect men to? Men who hear women calling each other sluts might decide to do the same thing. They may joke about it. People still have feelings, and words still hurt.
I’m not excusing men in any way. They don’t all slut shame, but the ones who do think they’re entitled to. These men expect women to sexually satisfy them at all costs. They play games and say what women want to hear just to get them in bed. As soon as the woman gives in to them, others consider her a slut. I once heard a man say, “These girls who don’t like being called sluts by the guys they sleep with should stop sleeping with them. It’s more the girl’s fault than anything.”
This man thinks he’s never to blame. He thinks he’s a gift to whichever “slut” is lucky enough to sleep with him. He can even fool a woman into thinking he’s in love with her. But once she has sex with him, she’s a whore. He takes pride in sleeping with these “whores.” He breaks some poor woman’s heart, but he doesn’t care because she’s a “slut.”
Words hurt the most when they attack personal character based on personal actions. No person wants to be attacked based on the activities she’s been involved in, especially private, intimate activities. Our society doesn’t respect private lives anymore. A woman’s sexual life is between her and her partner. Whether she has multiple partners or not is none of anyone else’s business.
People shouldn’t judge situations they don’t understand. Don’t we want people staying out of our own private lives? I realize the notion that we should “treat others the way you want to be treated” seems overused and cliché. Still, decent people repeat it often because it’s true. If you don’t want people prying into your life in the bedroom, then don’t pry into theirs. Also, if you don’t want people judging you based on your sex life, then don’t do the same to them.
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Samantha Kear is a writer from the Colorado Springs area.
