Mind Control for the Masses—No Implant Needed:
A wave of startups wants to make brain-computer interfaces accessible without needing surgery. Just strap on the device and think.
Why Public Wi-Fi is a Lot Safer Than You Think
Plunging on Into Illiteracy:
BTS: RM’s New Year’s Musings on Weverse Will Hit You Right in the Feels
Big Pharma celebrates new year by raising prices on over 250 drugs
Justin Bieber details new YouTube docuseries
Selena Gomez *Finally* Reveals What She Was Doing on Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin’s Wedding Day
Finally
Let’s Pretend We Give A Shit:
DABABY ARRESTED IN ROBBERY CASE …Victim Doused With Apple Juice
Wow! More evidence for active volcanoes on Venus
GTA5 Joins Xbox Game Pass On Xbox One
Plunging On Into Idiocy:
Sex toys, giant TVs and Alexa in everything: The biggest trends to watch for at CES 2020
Charmin’s pooptime robot pal will bring a new toilet paper roll when you need it most
L’Oreal’s New Doodad Sounds Like the Supersmart Skincare Gadget I Need
Scientists put 3D glasses on cuttlefish and showed them film clips. The results were surprising
John Boyega has really embraced his destiny as the planet’s most powerful Star Wars troll
Is This Horse Living in a Third-Floor Apartment?
Your daily 6: False-alarm nuke alert, Burger King irks moms with ‘damn’ ad and ex-beauty queen prison-bound
Ant behavior might mirror political polarization
Two people attacked by coyotes in Chicago
Coyote behavior might mirror ant behavior
The U.S. Spends $2,500 Per Person on Health Care Administrative Costs. Canada Spends $550. Here’s Why:
“Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” – Ronald Wright, A Short History of Progress
What Could Go Wrong? (Ask the Frog Prince)
Researchers build ‘living robots’ using cells scraped from frogs to clean your arteries
Oligarchs Attack Oligarchy, Assuring Further Oligarchy
Bloomberg’s massive ad campaign hikes TV prices for other candidates
Bloomberg jumps to fourth place in new national poll
I Am Not Making This Up:
National Weather Service warns of falling iguanas
How Long Will Doom Eternal Be? Over 20 Hours, According To Creative Director
Leonardo DiCaprio Has a Very Romantic Nickname for Brad Pitt
Iguanas Joining the Gig Economy
Tacos, anyone? Iguanas are falling from trees, and people are selling the meat online
Not So Fast, There, Dobbin – And Get that Harness off that Peacock
Peacocks, miniature horses, cats can no longer fly as service animals under proposed DOT rule
U.S. Union Membership Hits Another Record Low
Facebook, Amazon and Apple set records in annual spending on lobbying
Is rationality overrated?
Elton John bought ‘a ton’ of Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candles: ‘He’s a fan’
Gwyneth Paltrow Reveals She Took MDMA with Husband Brad Falchuk: It Was ‘Very Emotional’
You Can Take My Gun When You Pry It from My Son’s Cold, Dead Fingers:
Indiana boy, 4, dies after father’s gun discharged as they play-wrestled
Kobe Bryant Kobe Bryant Kobe Bryant Kobe Bryant Kobe Bryant Kobe Bryant Kobe………
Brad Pitt Proudly Wore a Name Tag to the Oscars Luncheon—And Nothing Has Ever Been So Pure
Can’t Remember Where You Are, Where You’re Going? School Wants to Help, Johnny:
Say hello to the new Fantastical: one robust calendar for iPhone, iPad, Apple Watch, and Mac
Say, Johnny, Got 5 bucks? Got another 5 bucks? Got another?….
iOS and Mac calendar app Fantastical is moving to a subscription model
I Am Shocked. Shocked, I Tell You:
Amazon’s Ring security shares your personal data with Facebook and Google, report says
No, coronavirus isn’t linked to Corona beer, can’t be cured with bleach
Part of U.S. border wall falls over into Mexico
Fed to pare back ‘Volcker rule’ to expand bank investment in venture capital, securitized loans
Fed Adds $82.58 Billion to Markets in Two Repo Operations
When you stare into The Masked Singer’s creepy new smiling taco costume, it stares back into you
Not to Ruin the Super Bowl, But the Sea Is Consuming Miami
Our Cartoon Continue
Opera singer danced on SUV before Mar-a-Lago chase led to gunfire
Always Look on the Bright Side of Death:
Asteroid That Killed the Dinosaurs Was Great for Bacteria
Montana state lawmaker: Constitution calls for socialists to be shot or jailed
Trump: I think Sanders is a communist
But…but…. I just got 5G!
Solar Storm Can Destroy The Earth’s Technology
Google admits it sent private videos in Google Photos to strangers
Iowa’s Tally-by-App Experiment Fails
Face It: You’re Going to Own Tesla Stock — Whether You Want to or Not
Tesla Stock Jumped 20%. It Makes No Sense.
Trump says he will award Rush Limbaugh with Medal of Freedom
‘Wind Of Madness’ Is Sweeping Earth, U.N. Secretary-General Says
Hundreds deported from U.S. to El Salvador have been killed or abused, new report says
Would you take a drug discovered by artificial intelligence?
An OCD drug created via AI will be tested on humans.
‘I didn’t know it was abuse until I nearly died’
Parliament Square was a knuckle-dragging carnival of irredeemable stupidity
5-MeO-DMT: The 20-Minute Psychoactive Toad Experience That’s Transforming Lives
There’s something about Brad Pitt … again
Super Snow Moon 2020: Bright, full moon will light up the night sky tonight
You’ll be able to see Brad Pitt in it if you go for the psychoactive toad experience first
Justin Bieber Takes ‘Just Out of Bed’ Style to the Streets With Messy Hair, Pajama Pants + Socks With Sandals
What if Earth were a super-Earth?
The ‘aha’ moment that changed Jeff Bezos’ life
Jeff Bezos is finding he can spend money on things other than space travel
Man drives into Mississippi River while following Google Maps
Timothée Chalamet Photobombed Margot Robbie at the Oscars and It Was Perfectly Adorable
Justin Bieber gets candid about his sex life with Hailey
Just Ask Nguyen van Thieu – He’ll Reassure You:
US assures Afghans it will not abandon them after peace deal, Afghan source says
JUSTIN BIEBER: I WANT TO PROTECT BILLIE EILISH …Cries In New Interview
The anatomy, paleobiology, and evolutionary relationships of the largest extinct side-necked turtle until Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber Admits He ‘Went Crazy and Wild’ in His Relationship with Selena Gomez
Making Changes! Justin Bieber Shaves His Mustache
Trump’s words, bullied kids, scarred schools
Goo. Goo Goo. Googoogoogoogoogoogoogoogoogoo
HQ Trivia app closes down, ends with drunken presenters asking for jobs
Goo. Goo Goo. Googoogoogoogoogoogoogoogoogoo
Even if you don’t need one, Woot!’s tablet deal is too good to pass up
5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G!
Android 10 is now rolling out for the T-Mobile OnePlus 6T
Sonic the Hedgehog Breaks Box Office Record Set for Video Game Movies
Goo. Goo Goo. Googoogoogoogoogoogoogoogoogoo
NVIDIA launches GeForce RTX 2080 Ti Cyberpunk 2077 Edition – a limited run GPU
5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G!
A Motorola Razr’s screen is reportedly peeling right on the fold
Goo. Goo Goo. Googoogoogoogoogoogoogoogoogoo
‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ speeds to $57M debut over holiday weekend
Sorry – out of Goos
‘Bachelor’ Contestant Victoria Fuller Was Arrested for a DUI Back in 2017
McConnell, Graham and McCarthy vow efforts to ‘intimidate’ Barr will ‘fall woefully short’
Burger King thinks moldy Whoppers will get you to buy more burgers
Watch Justin Bieber and James Corden Open ‘Yummy’ Food Truck
Goo. Goo Goo. Googoogoogoogleoogoogoogoogoogoo
More Than Ever, Justin Bieber Feels Like a Cautionary Tale
SpaceX aims to launch tourists into super high orbit
Tesla Cybertruck is now a $400 Toy
Cara Delevingne Hits Back at Justin Bieber for Liking Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid More Than Her
The terrifying version of Sonic the Hedgehog is now a toy
We are temporarily out of goos
Dyson is dead to me now that I’ve tried this Bissell vacuum, and it’s on sale today at its lowest price
Goo shortage reaches epidemic proportions
Clint Eastwood backs Mike Bloomberg, wishes Trump would be ‘more genteel’ in office
Alexa is a TOY? First look at $300 Alexa-powered kids kitchen
Small doses of arsenic administered to toddlers prove beneficial
Billionaire Apple investor Warren Buffett traded in his $20 flip phone for an iPhone
Small doses of arsenic administered to billionaire prove beneficial
Wyze is working on a fitness tracker that puts Alexa on your wrist
Tomorrow, your cortex (see below)
Fans grossed out by sex scene on ‘The Walking Dead’
I mean, it’s one thing to blow them away, but….
DONALD TRUMP ENTERS PACKED INDIA STADIUM AS VILLAGE PEOPLE’S ‘MACHO MAN’ BLARES OUT
Amazon is opening its first full-size, cashierless grocery store
The makers of Jif peanut butter team up with Giphy to try to settle the GIF/Jif debate once and for all
Goo crisis deepens
NTSB: Tesla Driver Who Died In 2018 Mountain View Crash Was Playing Video Game
He lost
Concept shows off how Apple could enhance the multitasking experience on iPad
For instance, you could play a video game while driving your fucking car
Geraldo Rivera: ‘Deeply disappointed’ that the left has used coronavirus to ‘ridicule’ Trump
Reynaldo Phibbs would get them lefties if’n he hadn’t got his insides vacuumed out
The People Are Not Ready for Democracy
In Fact, They’re Not Ready to Safely Cross the Street:
Americans Aren’t Drinking Corona Beer Due to Coronavirus Outbreak
Mike Pence said smoking “doesn’t kill” and faced criticism for his response to HIV. Now he’s leading the coronavirus response. Here – have a beer.
Hailey Bieber Reveals a Beer Bottle Party Trick Led to Justin Bieber Marrying Her
Baseball’s growing technocracy is responsible for many of its problems.
Report: MLB will crack down on pitchers using foreign substances on the ball in 2020
Help! I Want to Support My Friend—but She’s a Witch Who Tears Down My Christian Faith.
Superdelegate pushing convention effort to stop Sanders is health care lobbyist who backed McConnell
and tried to tear down my Christian Faith. So I killed him.
John Oliver’s Coronavirus Advice: “Don’t Be a F–king Idiot”
Miss Staten Island comes out as bisexual, then banned from St. Patrick’s Day parade
God Curse It, I said “bi-snakesual.” Can’t you Micks get anything right?
The Secret to Enjoying Nature Is … Your Phone
Bad Credit? Low Credit? No Credit?
Always wanted to be an astronaut? NASA is now hiring
Russian constitution must define marriage as heterosexual, Putin says
C’mon comrades, let’s go down to the steam bath
I’m 59, and my husband and I earn $500,000 a year — but have credit card debt and nothing saved for retirement. What should we do?
Get some fucking sense?
Guess What’s Gonna Happen Now? Part 10,000
Taliban Ramp Up Attacks on Afghans After Trump Says ‘No Violence’
U.S. Launches ‘Defensive Strike’ At Taliban As Fragile Afghan Peace Deal Teeters
Pompeo Leaves Afghanistan Unable to Settle Dispute Impeding U.S. Exit
A dirty secret: you can only be a writer if you can afford it
And the winner of our “Worst-Kept Secret” Award is….
Dow jumps more than 800 points as Biden Super Tuesday victories boost health care stocks
Users Poke Fun at Twitter’s Name for Its Vanishing Tweets
Just when my Goo supply had replenished itself
Because You’ll Buy Anything:
A triple folding phone? Hands-on with TCL’s working DragonHinge prototype
Here’s how you can enter to win a Samsung Galaxy S20 5G from T-Mobile
First, lay your first-born on the alter….
5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G!
Chicken Little Checks In:
JUSTIN BIEBER: CORONAVIRUS FORCES TOUR VENUE CHANGES… I Gotta Fill Seats!!!
Coronavirus!Coronavirus! Coronavirus!Coronavirus! Coronavirus!Coronavirus!
Is Coronavirus the Beginning of the End for Global Auto Shows?
When you sell during a panic you may miss the market’s best days
Coronavirus used by European populist right to challenge E.U. open borders
Two Coronavirus Deaths in Florida as Global Infections Rise
Coronavirus updates: 21 people test positive on cruise ship, Pence says
Coronavirus!Coronavirus! Coronavirus!Coronavirus! Coronavirus!Coronavirus!
Coronavirus quarantine hotel collapses in China, trapping 70 people
Trump’s Misplaced Blame on Obama for Coronavirus Tests
Lobster market pinched as prices plummet because of coronavirus outbreak
Coronavirus!Coronavirus! Coronavirus!Coronavirus! Coronavirus!Coronavirus!
‘Protect Alex Trebek at all costs’: Live audiences banished from ‘Jeopardy!’ and ‘Wheel of Fortune’ tapings amid coronavirus fears
Apple’s Upcoming 5G iPhone Could Be Delayed Due to Coronavirus
5G! Coronavirus!5G! Coronavirus! 5G! Coronavirus! 5G! Coronavirus! 5G! Coronavirus!
Kylie Jenner Accused Of Copying Beyonce After Selfie Goes Viral
Selfievirus! Selfievirus! Selfievirus! Selfievirus! Selfievirus! Selfievirus!
Google tracked his bike ride past a burglarized home. That made him a suspect.
DaBaby Slaps Woman After She Hits Him in Face With Her Cell Phone
That made her a suspect
This Could Be the Biggest Winner of the Stock Market Crash
FDA warns televangelist Jim Bakker and six others to stop selling fraudulent coronavirus products
God smites FDA
Too late, Nat’an
Republicans who came in contact with Trump self-quarantine
All Hail the Super Worm Moon!
Enquiring Minds Want to Know:
Why All the Warby Parker Clones Are Now Imploding
How to stop your smart home spying on you
Is There Really a Toilet Paper Shortage?
The Hand Sanitizer You Can’t Find Is In This Putz’s Garage
While the country deals with the coronavirus, Idaho state legislators prioritize banning trans athletes
Utah earthquake causes Angel Moroni on Salt Lake Temple to lose his trumpet
Did Nostradamus Predict the COVID-19 Pandemic?
Senators deny they’re corrupt after dumping stocks before coronavirus crash
Texas’ lieutenant governor suggests grandparents are willing to die for US economy
Guess What’s Gonna Happen Next, Part 1:
Embattled Netanyahu Makes a Coronavirus Power Grab
The Federal Reserve just pledged asset purchases with no limit to support markets
Neural implants plus AI turns sentence-length thoughts to text
4/9: Dow Jones Jumps Again, Extends Weekly Gain To More Than 2,800 Points; Top Retailer Falls Despite Strong Sales
Was Freud right about anything?
N.J. liquor stores deemed essential, will stay open during coronavirus shutdown
Report: Donald Trump seeks Alex Rodriguez’s advice on coronavirus pandemic
Will the Coronavirus Pandemic Wipe Out All of Summer Blockbuster Season?
Alex just do not know
Cruise bookings are on the rise for 2021 despite coronavirus
‘This will blow over’: In states without stay-at-home orders, Americans celebrate freedom as death toll climbs
El Paso County GOP pilloried after asking in social media post if COVID-19 is a hoax
Cooped up at home? You can help scientists spot penguins from space or seek out new galaxies.
That’ll save us.
Lady Gaga apologizes to Jimmy Fallon after awkward interview
Lady Gaga didn’t really spot a penguin or a new galaxy after all
Tom Brady reviews Rob Gronkowski’s ‘amazing’ penis
Dillon Passage Said Joe Exotic Doesn’t Know That “Tiger King” Shows What Happened To His Husband Travis
So that’s where Rob Gronkowski went
Police: Going 100 mph through Colorado Springs isn’t an approved social distancing technique
Trump discusses opening up the economy back up with Judge Jeanine
A-Rod was tied up
By Tom Brady
Pastor who vowed to preach ‘unless I’m in jail or the hospital’ dies of COVID-19 in VA
Florida Governor Expands Pandemic Essential Services to Include Professional Wrestling
The archaeological record is full of dog poop
A Grieving World Gives Thanks:
You don’t have to spend $1,000 on a phone anymore
Yankees fan, Mets fan team up to sue MLB over coronavirus-canceled games
Alex Rodriguez, Jennifer Lopez Retain JPMorgan to Raise Money for Mets Bid
“A-Rod, J-Lo & JP” Latest #1 for P-Yu
What the Fuck Are You Talking About? Part 980,543:
This Peloton-Beat Saber mashup turns my Oculus Quest into a sweat sponge
Because You’ll Buy Anything:
A spike in New Yorkers ingesting household cleaners following Trump’s controversial coronavirus comments
You Should Definitely Buy Amazon’s Zonox Household Cleaner:
Amazon Scooped Up Data From Its Own Sellers to Launch Competing Products
Michigan security guard shot and killed after asking Family Dollar shopper to wear a mask
Stocks Are Recovering While the Economy Collapses. That Makes More Sense Than You’d Think.
If You’re Time Magazine, that is
Warty comb jelly, scourge of fisheries, also eats its young
The Internet Wants to Help, Johnny:
New coronavirus strain more contagious than original – study
No, There Isn’t A New, More Contagious Form of Coronavirus Spreading Across the U.S.
One-third of Americans may refuse coronavirus vaccine, according to poll
Why Is the Stock Market Rallying When the Economy Is So Bad?
Because It Always Does?
Does this tell us anything?
57 Random Facts About the Kardashians
Does this tell us anything?
Leaked White House data shows infections spiking more than 1,000% in rural areas that backed Trump
Does this tell us anything?
Many Americans Are Getting More Money From Unemployment Than They Were From Their Jobs
Does this tell us anything?
Billionaire banker Jamie Dimon urges business and government to use the pandemic to create a fairer world
Should the moon be privatized? The US says yes
Evangelical reverend ADMITS he paid ‘Jane Roe’ $450,000 – including handfuls of $100 bills – because she was a ‘symbol anti-abortion movement could not afford to lose’
“If ye’d turn on th’ gas in th’ darkest heart ye’d find it had a good raison for th’ worst
things it done, a good varchous raison, like needin’ th’ money or punishin’ th’ wicked or tachin’ people a lesson to be more careful, or protectin’ th’ liberties iv mankind, or needin’ the money.” – Mr. Dooley
“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people”
-H.L. Mencken
Thousands disregarded health guidance over the weekend despite rising coronavirus cases in more than a dozen states
Zuckerberg knocks Twitter for fact-checking Trump, says private companies shouldn’t be ‘the arbiter of truth’
Seen One Virus, Seen Em All:
The spread of COVID-19 is not related in any way to the deployment of 5G
Security News This Week: This $350 “Anti-5G” Device Is Apparently Just a USB Stick
Microsoft sacks journalists to replace them with robots
I Am Not Making This Up:
Nothing Social Distances Like a Jeep
Apple gets a patent for taking group selfies while you’re socially distant
Ohio Sen. Stephen Huffman asks if ‘colored’ people get coronavirus due to poor hand washing
Poland invaded the Czech Republic last month, but says it was just a big misunderstanding
The iPad Pro can scan your house, and future iPhones might too
It will be for your benefit
After Aunt Jemima, Uncle Ben and Mrs. Butterworth Feel the Heat
Lady Gaga goes makeup-free and wears $84 glittery pink sports bra in Instagram selfie
She was feeling the heat
Microsoft President Calls for Antitrust Review of Apple
Sometimes the story is the punchline
Teaching physics to neural networks removes ‘chaos blindness’
And sometimes not
There is a nationwide coin shortage
Plan to release genetically modified mosquitoes in Florida gets go-ahead
They will mate and produce pennies
Justin Bieber denies sexual assault allegations from 2014: ‘There is no truth to this’
Anti-Vaxxer Novak Djokovic Contracts Coronavirus After Hosting Tennis Exhibition
Poetic Justice Resuscitated
Bayer reaches over $10 billion settlement in Roundup cancer lawsuits
Justin Bieber Files $20 Million Lawsuit Against Two Women Who Accused Him of Sexual Assault
Sooo, Exactly Who Is Garrett Hedlund, Emma Roberts’ New Boyfriend?
Sooo, Exactly Who the Fuck is Emma Roberts?
Emma Roberts Is Pregnant
Oh
Dr Disrespect has been permanently banned from Twitch
Well, it’s about time
Jojo Siwa Says Goodbye to Her Blonde Hair and Debuts a Major Transformation
And not a moment too soon
Guess What’s (Not) Gonna Happen Now:
After weeks of protests, meaningful police reform appears unlikely
Vladimir Putin is set to win referendum vote that will allow him to rule Russia until 2036
Rolling Stones threaten Trump with legal action over use of songs during reelection campaign
They won’t get no satisfaction
Wearing Face Mask During Pandemic Doesn’t Affect Concealed Carry Permit
Trump Tweets Video with ‘White Power’ Chant, Then Deletes It
Doomscrolling Is Slowly Eroding Your Mental Health
DaBaby reenacts George Floyd’s death during BET Awards performance, receives mixed reviews
Awarded only a 7 for Agony
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis has insisted there is nothing to worry about and ‘nothing has changed’ in the last week, blaming the state’s troubling surge as the result of a ‘test dump’
G’wan back to your doomscrolling
Dow Jones Surges 500 Points As Stock Market Turns Higher Despite Virus Fears
[Update: 765G] Qualcomm essentially confirms the OnePlus Nord has a 5G Snapdragon chipset
5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G!
The case for putting a voice assistant in every device
Your cat box could make your breakfast!
Ty Dolla Sign Recruits a Super Team in Kanye West, Fka Twigs and Skrillex For ‘Ego Death’: Listen
Kanye West transforms Kim Kardashian’s bathroom into an ‘enchanted forest’
Jennifer Lopez And Alex Rodriguez Did An Adorable TikTok Dance Challenge
Barf Bag Supply Dangerously Depleted
Vanilla Ice throwing Fourth of July concert: ‘We didn’t have coronavirus’ in the ’90s’
“I can’t wait to get back to this,” the “Ice Ice Baby” singer posted on Instagram along with some of his previous packed concert footage. “The 90s were the best. We didn’t have coronavirus, or cell phones, or computers. We had 5.0’s, blockbuster, Beavis and Butthead, Wayne’s World, Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan … Mortal Kombat is still better than Fortnight … the last of the great decades.”
Barf Bag Supply Exhausted
Vanilla Ice’s Fourth of July concert canceled for some reason
Idiocy in the Defense of Liberty Is No Vice:
At Least 12 Texas Counties Won’t Enforce Governor’s Face Mask Mandate
Fact Check: Did Nostradamus predict the coronavirus pandemic in 16th century?
Katy Perry shows fans her pregnant belly button: ‘Wanna see something gross?
Kanye West again says he will run for president
Trump Official Says It’s ‘Too Early To Tell’ Whether GOP Convention In Florida Can Happen Safely
Patient contracts rare brain-eating amoeba in Florida
Now they ready
Trump Advisers Wonder: ‘Is the Statue Shit Going to Work?’
Kylie Jenner Dresses Down Her Slinky High-Slit Dress With Controversial Yeezy Slides That Show Off Her Neon Pedicure
DeVos blasts school districts that hesitate at reopening
Now the supply has been utterly depleted
The Market as Moral Agent:
Facebook Stock Hits Record High Amid Ad Boycott
Investors Start to Ask: What if Biden Becomes President?
When God Speaks, the Supreme Court Listens:
Little Sisters of the Poor on SCOTUS victory on birth control exemption: ‘We always knew God would protect us’
Be Still, My Heart:
Amazon’s Alexa app will soon let you speak commands without pressing the blue button
Finally, it’s the new Ford Bronco
H.L. Mencken Spins Entirely Free of Grave:
‘It’s the heart of the brand’: Disney World reopens as coronavirus cases spike in Florida
Hundreds seen lining up for Downtown Disney reopening as coronavirus cases in California spike
Kanye West Is ‘Struggling’ with Bipolar Disorder as Rapper Says He Wants to Be President: Source
In other words, Eminently Qualified
Trump says doctors were ‘very surprised’ by his ‘unbelievable’ results on a cognitive test
They’d never seen a result in negative numbers before
Kim Kardashian Is “Desperately Worried” and “Trying to Help” Kanye West
‘We may have more differences than I anticipated’: Elon Musk appears to RETRACT his support of Kanye West’s presidential campaign… amid concern over the rapper’s mental health
Too sane for Elon
Tesla is Building a ROCKET-powered Supercar
Philip Morris says cigarette sales in many places could end in a decade and they’ve got a ‘safer’ product to replace them
It’s called ‘fentanyl’ and it’s really, really safe
In small doses
ask your doctor if you’re allergic to death
30-year-old dies after attending ‘COVID party’ thinking virus was a ‘hoax’
Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp forbids cities, counties from requiring masks as coronavirus surges in the state
Trump administration shifts control of coronavirus hospital data from CDC to HHS
Fact-Check: That Photo of Sambit Patra With Vikas Dubey is Morphed
So is the one of Blimpet Bloofla and Mitsu Likapiddle
GOOGLE IS WORKING ON TATTOOS THAT TURN YOUR BODY INTO A TOUCHPAD
U.S. Says Russian Hackers Are Trying To Steal Coronavirus Vaccine Research
Might as well not have a virus at all, if they’re gonna steal our profits
Did Dr. Fauci, Melinda Gates, and Barack Obama Visit a Wuhan Lab in 2015?
Yes. The tour was led by Bilbo Baggins and Judge Crater
Guess What’s Gonna Happen Now, Part 73,000:
Coronavirus data has already disappeared after Trump administration shifted control from CDC
Hailey Bieber apologises to waitress who says she wasn’t very nice
Apple previews some of the new emoji coming to iOS 14
Just when the goo’s were getting replenished
White House press secretary: ‘The science should not stand in the way of’ schools fully reopening
We have to have some place to teach Creationism
Georgia Gov. Kemp urges people to wear masks despite suing Atlanta over mask mandate
Three California churches sue Newsom over singing ban
It would be be easier to pay off our national debt overnight than to neutralize the long range effects of our national stupidity. – Frank Zappa
Science Marches On:
Dogs possess an ability that humans can only dream of
An????
Science Confirms Plato’s Theory: Earth Is Made of Cubes
Participating scholar Gábor Domokos discovered the first real “self-righting” gömböc.
The world’s long wait is over
They were trying to save a species. Instead, scientists created a fish that’s part sturgeon, part paddlefish, all accident
Martha Stewart Swimming in Full Glam Is My Summer Vibe
Speechless in Seattle
All the Details on Demi Lovato’s Estimated $1 Million Engagement Ring From Max Ehrich
Well, let’s see…it’s a ring…it’s got this really big diamond in it…uh…
Charlamagne tha God slams Biden for calling Trump ‘first’ racist president
When Charlamagne the God speaks, we earthlings better listen
Justin Bieber pays a visit to pal Kanye West’s ranch in Wyoming… while rapper is ‘refusing’ to see wife Kim Kardashian amid ongoing bipolar episode
Marriage Announcement Pending
Pending Approval by Charlamagne Tha God
Look at this cool LED face mask made by a fashion entrepreneur
Charlamagne the God wept
Alexa, what is the smallest urban municipality in Arkfarhastan? Alexa? Alexa? Are you there?
Amazon’s Alexa app redesigned to focus on the bits people actually use
Elon Musk Challenges Johnny Depp To A ‘Cage Fight’ Amid Amber Heard Rumors
Kanye West files to appear on New Jersey’s presidential ballot
Charlamagne tha God asks, “Why anyone wanna be President of New Jersey?”
KIM KARDASHIAN BREAKS DOWN CRYING During Tense Wyoming Visit With Kanye
She wanted to be First Lady of Lusk
Researchers collected sediment thousands of feet deep, filtered out bacteria, and revived the cells. But fear not—the destruction of humanity by ancient microbes is not nigh.
It says here
The First Gene-Altered Squid Has Thrilled Biologists
Trump’s New Favorite COVID Doctor Believes in Alien DNA, Demon Sperm, and Hydroxychloroquine
Prostrate with Gratitude:
We may finally know the Samsung Galaxy Z Fold 2 5G release date and price
5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G!
GeForce Now will now automatically sync to your Steam library
Stupidity Knows No National Boundaries:
‘Masks make us slaves’: thousands march in Berlin anti-lockdown protest
No, Bill Gates isn’t partnering with ID companies to implant microchips in humans
He don’ need no steenking partners
Did we just get a glimpse of Google’s 5G Pixel phones?
5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G!
Joe Biden predicts there will be an electric Corvette and he’s probably right
Ex-vice President remains “deeply concerned” about possible new Edsel model
Android TV Sees Big Yearly Growth, and Here are Some New Incoming Goodies
Target audience expanding exponentially
Bald eagle attacks government drone and sends it to bottom of Lake Michigan
An expert take on Harry and Meghan’s unexpected jewelry dramas in Finding Freedom
Bald eagle take on expert and take some dem jewels
Tekashi 6ix9ine ROBBED At Gunpoint In Los Angeles?!
Dat eagle take ma gun
Sanjay Dutt diagnosed with lung cancer, MS Dhoni’s retirement, Sadak 2’s trailer getting disliked
Bald eagle take on Sadak 2 quick now
Dow Jones Futures: Stock Market Rally Leaders Apple, Nvidia, Tesla Set Record Highs; Home Depot, Walmart Earnings On Tap
Elon Musk says goat-mimicking horn sounds are ‘definitely coming’ to Tesla fleet
Well, no wonder Tesla stock is up
Designer ByChari slammed with orders for Michelle Obama’s ‘VOTE’ necklace
The US is finally getting serious about 5G
Finally.
5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G! 5G!
Megan Thee Stallion Posts Photo of Her Gunshot Wound, Makes New Statement
Charlamagne tha God do it
BJP Tweets IMF’s April GDP Estimate Which Was Lowered In June
NS?
Elon Musk’s Neuralink to unveil V2 brain implant machine in Aug 28 event
We’ve always been at war with Eastasia
I’ve always thought apartheid was a bad idea
Goat sounds? What goat sounds?
Impact of ionizing radiation on superconducting qubit coherence
It a mighty big impact, come to find out
Kourtney Kardashian joins ex Scott Disick for dinner at Nobu as he risks a run-in with ex Sofia Richie after she arrives at the eatery with pals
What is life without risk? A mere limp eatery
Fact Check: These women were not injured in the Sweden riots
Sofia Richie got em
Trump suggests hair salon owner should run for Congress after Pelosi feud
Why the stock market and the economy actually aren’t disconnected
Wait for AMD to make its Big Navi move before you buy the Nvidia RTX 3080
Justin Bieber Covers K-Ci & JoJo’s ‘All My Life’: Watch
Makeup guru, influencer Ethanisupreme dead at 17
Justin Bieber: Teenage ‘ego and power’ ruined relationships, vows to change with God’s help
LG confirms Wing is the name of its new smartphone
Mine is called Stump
Justin Bieber is a Big ‘Dynamite’ Fan and Knows Exactly Why the BTS Song is Crushing It
It God’s Handiwork
Charlemagne tha God, that is
These Egyptian Coffins Have Been Completely Sealed for 2,500 Years. Who’s Inside?
Who you think?
Louis Vuitton’s coronavirus-inspired face shield to sell for just under $1G
South Dakota’s attorney general reported hitting a deer with his car. But it was a man.
But it was okay. He was drunk. Besides, he’s a Republican. No problemo.
Cardi B to divorce Offset and request primary custody of Kulture according to new reports
Kim Kardashian West will freeze her Instagram to protest Facebook
Sacrifice is her middle name
Kanye West posts video of himself peeing on one of his Grammys
Thereby demonstrating his presidential qualifications
The Demise Of Cardi B & Offset’s Relationship REVEALED
Offset set off in the wrong direction
Trump’s Experts Speak:
Fed’s Bullard says ‘biggest growth quarter of all time’ will lift inflation
Fed’s Bostic Says U.S. Economy Slowing, Needs Fiscal Aid
But Now, Back to Matters of Real Import: Brad and Gen are Back!
Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt flirt while in character for ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ table read
Lili Reinhart Shares Her ”Unpopular Opinion” About Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt’s Reunion
Fans think Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston looked cute but Shia LaBeouf stole the show
Megan Thee Stallion makes Time’s list of 100 most influential people
Charlemagne tha God Snubbed Again. Eats Kulture in retribution.
Police raid in Vietnam finds more than 300,000 used condoms being packed for resale
Hey, it’s a gig
Ring’s latest security camera is a drone that flies around inside your house
It also brings you your condoms
NASA working with cosmetics company on space station commercialization
Dax Shepard says he is newly sober after battling opioid addiction
Dax Shepard Candidly Revealed That He Lied About His Sobriety
Dax Shepard is New President
Tory Lanez denies shooting Megan Thee Stallion in new album lyrics
I Shot the Sheriff but I Did Not Shoot Thee Stallion
Blackpink’s Debut Album, The Album, Is Here With Surprise Cardi B Track
Be Still, Thee Stallion
Cardi B Reacts to President Trump’s Positive Coronavirus Test by Referencing Blackpink Collab
Blackpink Debuts “Dueling Narcissists”
‘It’s a hoax. There’s no pandemic’: Trump’s base stays loyal as president fights Covid
Gay men take over Proud Boys hashtag on Twitter ‘to reclaim our pride’
You can preorder a $100 ‘Trump defeats COVID’ commemorative coin at White House Gift Shop
Dexamethasone: Rare Side Effect of Drug Given to Trump for COVID Includes Grandiose Delusions
Britney Spears’ Lawyer Likened Her Mental Capacity to Comatose Patient
YOU COULD GENERATE POWER BY DANGLING CRAP INTO A BLACK HOLE
Vatican used charity funds to bet on Hertz credit derivatives
Tory Lanez Charged with Felony Assault in Megan Thee Stallion Shooting
I knew I Shudda Cut Dat Track
People With This Mutation Can’t Smell Stinky Fish
Halloween store selling ‘Debate Fly Wig’ inspired by bug on Mike Pence’s head at VP debate
Kanye Tells Californians to Write Him In for Prez, Not Down with Being VP
Does “The Bachelorette” Think We’re Stupid?
THE DAY THE PRESSES STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nicki Minaj Reveals Gender of Baby!
Here’s Why There’s A Problem With The Theory That Taylor Swift Revealed The Name Of Gigi Hadid And Zayn Malik’s Baby On Her New Album
Cardi B Responds to Claim She’s in a “Mentally Abusive Relationship” With Offset
Cardi B deletes Twitter account following critique of Offset reunion
Clare Crawley shoots down accusations she LIED about not attending prom
Cardi B files to dismiss divorce from husband Offset: report
Weird venomous caterpillars that look like walking toupées are invading Virginia
Yes, Virginia, there is a Trump
Bella Hadid asks fans to vote while sporting tiny bikini
I will not do any such thing!
Florida wildlife investigators uncover flying squirrel trafficking ring
Bullwinkle in Seclusion
Walmart sues U.S. in pre-emptive strike in opioid abuse battle
The Policeman’s Lot Is Not a Happy One:
Police officer killed by rooster while breaking up cockfight
The World Prostrate in Gratitude:
Researchers Finally Figured Out How Octopuses Taste With Their Arms
Lil Jon Refuses to Join Lil Wayne and Lil Pump in Supporting Trump
Judge rules a pet likely pooped in Johnny Depp’s bed, not Amber Heard
Lil Pump threatens to leave the U.S. if President Trump isn’t reelected
Kanye West Concedes 2020 Election But Signals He Isn’t Done
Boris Johnson accused of ‘giving in to scientific advisers’ as England heads for lockdown
North Dakota Republican who died of Covid-19 wins seat in state legislature
Steve Bannon banned by Twitter for calling for Fauci beheading
He was just kidding
Study finds adults going into the workplace are more likely to catch COVID-19
I am shocked. Shocked, I tell you.
There’s A Sequel To Fruit Ninja For Some Reason
Larsa Pippen Claims Kanye West BRAINWASHED the Kardashians
And Larsa Would Know. She have one of cleanest brains in Western Hemisphere
MacBooks with M1 is a leap forward for PCs. Now bring on the 5G
5G!5G!5G!5G!5G!5G!5G!5G!5G! 5G!5G!5G!5G!5G!5G!5G!5G!5G!
GUCCI MANE MOCKS HIS KILLING OF JEEZY’S PAL Ahead of Verzuz Battle
Hairstylists Say Rudy Giuliani’s TV Disaster Should Be a Lesson to Us All
‘Lonely teen Princess Diana torn apart up by the royal family,’ says expert
She stay up by them too long, it appear
There Is No Such Thing as a Neutral Terminator
Media obsesses over Antony Blinken’s guitar skills after Biden announces him as Secretary of State nominee
He trade licks with Putin
Poll: Have You Experienced PS5 Coil Whine?
Only when I trade licks with Putin
Emma Stone’s Mom Made Fake Small Talk With Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt
The real Small Talk Be with Brad and Gen
J-Lo Goes Classic for the Holidays in an One-Shoulder Top, Tailored Trousers & See-Through Heels
NBA Star Malik Beasley’s Wife Montana Yao Files for Divorce Amid Larsa Pippen Drama
Gavar Piduco mourns Malik-Montana dissension, phones Boudou Wyoming for comfort
Brexit Talks Resume With Officials Seeing a Solution on Fish
We’ve finally killed them all. Where’s the problem?
Arizona Republican Party asks followers if they’re willing to die to overturn election results
Life Has Its Ups and Downs:
Recall issued due to mix-up that packaged erectile dysfunction medication with antidepressant
Which celebrity should be the face of the COVID-19 vaccine?
CNN says Jeffrey Toobin still employed as report suggests he may get second chance after masturbation scandal
But he won’t be the face of the COVID-19 vaccine.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are next in line for their own Spotify-exclusive podcasts
Maybe they be the voice of the COVID-19 vaccine.
Gal Gadot Tries Taco Bell For The First Time And It’s An Eye-Opener
‘Honey Boy’ Director Alma Har’el Stands In Solidarity With FKA Twigs Amid Shia LaBeouf Allegations (EXCLUSIVE)
Gubletork McTHaDeisty tries Honey Boy for the First Time in Solidarity with Arpenoshad Urpie Durpie and Branches Olipharkas Dupie XKL
Stop the Presses Again:
In California, wealthy patients are offering top dollar to cut the line for a Covid-19 vaccine
I Know I’d Be Happier if I Left My Marriage
Gubletork McTHaDeisty Told Me I Would Be
The Presses Screech to a Halt Again:
50 years of tax cuts for the rich failed to trickle down, economics study says
Facebook and Google agreed to help each other out if they came under antitrust scrutiny, lawsuit alleges
WeChat Becomes a Powerful Surveillance Tool Everywhere in China
Ask the Man Who Owns One:
Televangelist Pat Robertson says Trump lives in an ‘alternate reality’ and should move on from election loss
Drum solo end….Very Bad
An AI is livestreaming a never-ending bass solo on YouTube
Here, Honey…This is for You
World’s ugliest orchid looks like a soul-sucking, eyeless worm
Roger Stone reacts to pardon, calls Trump ‘greatest president since Abraham Lincoln’
Over a million people helped decide that this is the funniest joke ever
KFC launches game console that keeps your chicken warm
AND it haul your ashes, carry your coal and kindlin’ in
Kirk Cameron slams the ‘mask gestapo’ for criticizing his two maskless caroling protests in California
The Gestapo operated by intimidation. Using surveillance and interrogation under torture, the Gestapo terrorized entire populations. The Gestapo collected information on anyone suspected of opposing Nazi rule, and specialized in hunting down those targeted for death. As a secret police force, the Gestapo did not operate death camps, but it was generally instrumental in identifying and apprehending those who would be sent to the camps.
(https: www.thoughtco.com/gestapo-4768965)
Truly Inspoing:
Kim Kardashian’s Outfit Had Grinch Inspo With Barely-There Pumps on Christmas Eve
Google Home’s recent update brings a handy new trick to your voice assistant
Elon Musk pushes Tesla to have more in-car gaming in preparation for self-driving future
AMD Ryzen 9 5900H delivers +23% single-core performance gain over Ryzen 9 4900H on Geekbench while cocking a snook at the Intel Core i7-10700K
Now…Let Me Tell You About My Yeast Infection:
Demi Lovato Celebrates Her Stretch Marks with Glitter, Opens Up About Her Eating Disorder Recovery
Billie Eilish calls out ‘babies’ who unfollowed her for posting breasts
To Summarize:
On a planet where you cannot breathe, is living on Mars the best idea?
